Saturday, April 16, 2016

Apa Lagu Paling Menyedihkan di Dunia??

Bermain tebak-tebakan, apa lagu yang paling sedih di dunia? Bukan lagu cinta, lagu galau, ataupun lagi patah hati karena pacar memilih yang lain. Kalau anda tidak tahu, berbahagialah, karena lagu paling sedih di dunia adalah “Happy Birthday to Me”.

Tulisan ini bermula ketika saya menghadiri ibadah gereja Minggu, 10 April 2016. Saat itu gereja saya sedang berulang tahun, sehingga ada special performance dari beberapa pelayanan yang ada. Salah satu pelayanan yang ditampilakn pada waktu itu adalah sebuah monolog yang menanyakan pertanyaan diatas tadi.

Ketika saya mendengar pertanyaan ini, otak saya diajak berpikir lebih dalam lagi. Apa yang dikatakan sang artis, bukan hanya sebuah skrip. Meskipun jemaat yang lain tertawa, namun saya tahu, dibalik itu ada makna yang sebenarnya sangat menyakitkan bagi beberapa orang.
Selama 27 tahun hidup saya, 7 tahun diantaranya saya habiskan jauh dari orangtua dan sanak saudara. Saya perna mengalami harus merayakan Xin Cia, Ulang Tahun, Natal, Lebaran, Tahun Baru, dan hal – hal lain yang seharusnya menjadi momen berkumpulnya keluarga, tapi saya harus menjalaninya sendiri di kota yang asing, tanpa ada yang saya kenal.

Saya beruntung, saat ini, saya tidak harus mengalami hal itu lagi. Saya punya teman, perkumpulan, dan sahabat yang memiliki nasib yang kurang lebih mirip – mirip dikit. Namun saya tahu betapa pedih dan sakit saat harus menghadapi semua momen dalam kesendirian.

Mengutip salah satu buah pikiran dari Stephen King yang saya kira cocok dalam masalah ini. Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym.”

Saya rasa “alone” disini bukan hanya keadaan fisik saja, dimana orang itu benar  - benar sendiri dalam suatu ruangan. Namun “alone” ini juga berarti keadaan hati dan pikirannya, dimana meskipun dia berada di tempat yang ramai, ataupun memiliki teman yang banyak, ada satu kekosongan dalam dirinya yang mungkin dirinya sendiri tidak dapat menjelaskan apa yang salah dalam dirinya.

Mengambil contoh lain dari film yang mungkin semuanya sudah pernah nonton, Ice Age: Dawn of The Dinosaur , dimana Sid dan Diego mulai merasa tersisih ketika Manny sudah sibuk dengan keluarga kecilnya sendiri. Diego berencana pergi dari kelompok mereka, dan Sid berpikiran untuk memiliki keluarga sendiri. Ada satu dialog Sid yang menurut saya cukup bisa menggambarkan keadaan rasa sendiri yang tidak mengenakan itu, “ I am a lone lonely loner.”

Berefleksi dari film tersebut, manusia pada dasarnya memang makhluk sosial yang tidak bisa hidup sendiri. Sayapun pernah menghabiskan weekend saya di dalam kamar kos saja, sendirian, tanpa ada interaksi dengan orang lain, kecuali saat saya harus membeli makanan keluar ataupun delivery. Saat – saat seperti itu merupakan saat yang menyedihkan buat saya. Tidak ada teman berbagi, bercerita, bercanda, ataupun berkeluh kesah.

Saya bukanlah orang yang berilmu dalam, ataupun paling mengerti tentang keadaan jiwa seseorang. Namun saya yakin, kesendirian yang dialami tiap – tiap orang itu menyakitkan. Dalam konteks apapun, keluarga, teman, pasangan hidup, pernikahan, dan sebagainya, rasa kesendirian yang dialami pasti sangat menekan.


Beruntunglah anda yang memiliki sahabat, teman, keluarga, dan pasangan hidup yang menemani anda menjalani kehidupan ini. Jika anda tahu ada orang yang berkutat dengan kesendirian, bantulah mereka, jadilah teman mereka, dan ringankan sedikit penderitaan mereka. Saya yakin anda tidak perlu berbuat banyak, cukup hadir dan ada untuk mereka. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Teddy VS Fendi

It’s been a long time since the last time I write about something. Life gets busy, or maybe I am just too lazy to update my story, my notes. And believe me, I almost forgot my blog’s name and the password; but fortunately, I recovered it.

So for the first post for almost 4 years, I’d like to share a thought that has come to my mind lately. Now, let’s look inside your room. Is there any items (a doll, a blanket, a pillow, or anything else) which in you possession for a very long time. And maybe, you can’t sleep without those things. Maybe, it’s an ugly doll with holes, or an old blanket that smells awful, or a pillow with plenty of stains on it (don’t ask “what stain?” you droll what I mean).

Those things are called comfort object. According to Wikipedia, A comfort object, transitional object, or security blanket is an item used to provide psychological comfort, especially in unusual or unique situations, or at bedtime for small children. Among toddlers, comfort objects may take the form of a blanket, a stuffed animal, or a favorite toy, and may be referred to by English-speaking toddlers as blankey and lovey.

Those things are the things that grew up with us. Don’t deny it; I know you have it right on your bed. It may look ugly, but you became angry when your mom put it into the washer, or you were going on a road trip with your friends and you were ashamed to bring your old dolls. But as soon as you can hold it again, you feel safe, secure, and you can sleep peacefully again.

Now, put that filthy blanket aside. Let’s pay a visit to your wardrobe. Take your best suit, the most expensive one; that one designer gown you feel so proud of. But then, you went on a party and someone wore the exact same outfit. After that, you came back home, fold that dress, and swore you’d never wear again (which I think you would end up sell or donate that dress.)

You bought another dress; more expensive, more delicate, and custom made. You make sure that no one in the whole world has the same dress like yours. But after you wore it to 10 (most probably less) parties, that dress become less prettier (??). You think it is not so special anymore, and you got bored. You gave it to charity, or sell it online. And then, the journey to find another dress continues.

After we finished looking at what is inside our room, now I want all of us to look inside our heart. What kind of relationship that you are having right now. Are you, right now, in a relationship with someone who is far from perfect? But the same person completes you, giving a sense of security, comfort, and you know you can see a future with them?

Or, are you, right now, in a flashy relationship with your ‘trophy’ bf/gf who looks so perfect, and you can show it off to your friends in facebook, instagram, or path for a couple months, before you ended up in the arms of someone else (which is, I believe, would only last for a couple months too.)

It seems like I’m judging everyone about how to live their life. Well, I do actually. People judge, there is no doubt ‘bout that. But what I like to point out is, is that really the kind of relationship that you want? Do you or do you not, somewhere deep down in your heart, think that your flashy (and most probably fake) relationship is wasting you precious life? Don’t you want something more than just a date at the fancy restaurant?

I am not having the best experience about relationship myself, but I believe that if I could find someone who makes me comfortable, I know the rest is not that hard anymore. Life can be rough sometimes, and it would be nice when you close the night with someone who hugs you with compassion, not fucks you with lust.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Freedom

Menurut gw kebebasan itu ada harganya.

Harga yg harus dibayar gw adalah mencukupkan diri dgn duit 600-800rb/ bulan, dan "pujian" dr bokap yang berkata "adek lo bulanannya sama kek elo tp bisa beli ini itu bla bla bla." Si bokap mungkin ga sadar kalo setengah yang dia kirim dibabat buat tempat tinggal yang dibayar per bulan, sementara adek gw ngontrak. Si bokap mungkin juga ga sadar kalo ngga perna mampir dan ngejenguk gw like he does to my siblings (dan pastinya ninggalin "sesuatu"). But at least, gw ngga diteliti kayak bakteri dibawah mikroskop. Mahal? iya buat gw. But it's all worth every penny.

Harga yg harus gw bayar juga termasuk lirikan mata - mata yg berkata "ada ya orang kek elu?" Cablak itu asik, ceplas ceplos itu harus! Like I said, sarcasm is a language, synical is a virtue, it speaks the truth! Sakit ati? Bukan urusan gw juga sih, I'm just being honest. Nyinyir itu juga bukti intelektualitas orang loh, klo lo ngga ngerti2 sindiran gw, ya IQ lu tiarap berarti. Klo semuanya musi gw bayar dgn cibiran orang, its worth every penny. Lagian, I can do it better baby~

But in the end, harga plg mahal itu "judgement". Yang di judge boros lah, yang di judge ga bisa cari duit lah, yang di judge ga bisa jaga perasaan, yang di judge ga sopan. Yang namanya hidup di Indonesia, ga perna lepas dari "pengadilan masyarakat". Judgment itu lebih permanent dari tattoo. Mau apapun alasannya, pada akhirnya lu bakal di cap kayak ternak.

Status quo yang dibuat ribuan tahun lalu itu ga perna mati. Apapun kejadiannya, pasti kiblatnya aturan jaman baheula. Kalo ada yg bersuara, klo ngga didemo ya di"bungkam". Dunia bole berevolusi, pola pikir sih tetep diktator. Mayor itu sadokis, minor (dipaksa) masokis.

Being free is fine, being free is fun, but are you ready for the mother F??

Sunday, October 16, 2011

I am

I am a down to earth guy, just look at my mark
C and B, close to E
E stands for Earth , right?

I am so in love with drama
just take a look at my life
you can see the resemblance

I love a good joke
do you want to hear one?
well, my life is already a joke

I am so strong
jusk ask my bed
if my bed could talk, it would tell you how long I can stay on it

I am a caring person
take a look at the dust on my room
I've been take care of them since forever


if you are looking for perfect person
than it's me that you are looking for
I am a perfect failure

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

About Literature

I took literature as my subject not because I accidentally applied for it, in fact I was an economic student for a year before I decided to move to literature.

It is fun to study literature, world it self in my opinion is literature. Whatever we know now is something written ages ago. Literature it self is the door to the present, past, and future.

I learn to see something from different point of views, everything has it own reason.
From my thesis topic, I choose to analyze Memoirs of a Geisha, a story of a girl who willing to do anything to get closer to the man that she loved. Ironically speaking, she sacrificed her virginity to be recognized by people and the man she loved.

I also learn about symbolism. It is kinda fun yet confusing to learn it. How can an animal farm symbolize a corrupt government and how can a tuna symbolize God; in addition, how can a plum symbolize virginity??

You can write sooo many issues in the work of literature such as LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisex and Transexual), mental disorder, racism, cultural shock, orientalism, and so on, basically, you can write about anything.


So what makes literature different from other pop books? It is the hidden messages. Every literary works always has a hidden meaning that the writer tries to convey. But that is the fun part. People may not have the same opinion about the hidden meaning, but as long as you can proof your answer, your answer is correct.

Literature helps us widen our perception, to see the world we never see, to imagine things, to learn something, to get something, and to do something.

what a crazy world


have u ever watched this movie?

Mary and Max tells about a story of a girl who is very self-concious about her self.

Her mother is an alcoholic and kleptomaniac, and his father enjoy being in company of his stuffed-dead bird.

She has a neighbour who suffers agrophobic.

One day, she decided to write a letter to America, she picked the addres randomly from the book address at the post office.

She made a friend with Max, a jewish who lives in New York. His father left him and his mother, and his mother commited a suicide. He got bullied when he was a boy because he is a jew boy. He is suffering from ASPI. he has a trouble in emoting his feeling and translating people's non verbal communication.

Mary and Max become a penpal and regularly write to each other. unfortunetly, Mary asked something so crucial that makes Max collapsed. Max's mental disorder caused him having a nerver attack everytime Mary asks him a difficult question.

This relationship continued until Mary got married. She married closeted gay who is also have a male penpal in New Zealed and leave her for his penpal.

The world evolves with the people in it. We asked for a perfection but where on earth we can find it?
Maybe perfection is if we see something a little different from our point of view (quoted from somewhere)

These bunch of people is the one who makes this world more alive.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

rain on the parade

it would be nice for us to go to a studio and take a picture.

but it is not as nice as we were thinking it would be, since the studio doesn't have the right package that we want.

old style background looks nice for us.

but no, that nice background will only work if we are a group of 20 or more.

after that, we thought it would be nice if we can have a seat at the nearest cafe.

But we ended up on waiting list.

It's okay, it's okay.

we can have a comfy seat latter, just bear with it for a moment.

But the rain just right about to start.

We came in 8, too bad we were to big untill they can't manage table for us and they separated us instead.

Well, let us not deal with it, just order some food for dinner and drink something.

We ate, we drank.

We enjoyed every conversation that came up on the table.

Until we decided to leave.

We asked for the bill.

They said, wait a minute.

We asked for it again.

But they kept us waiting.

So we ask again.

no one came, just "wait a minute"

So we asked again, unpolitely.

they gave us our bill, finally!

but no, it didn't stop there.

Our order was about 100k IDR, but they charged us 250k IDR.

So we called the waiter, again.

We said that this is not our order, there were like 6 - 8 items that we didn't order but appear in our bill.

They took back our bill, and listed it manually. We mentioned things that we order.

Finally, we got the right bill, I didn't want to wait any longer so I walked to the cashier and gave them the money.

But it seemed like they still didn't believe us, so I talked to them again with a very unpleasant tone.

we left that F-ing cafe, and I sweared not to come back.

But no, the rain still pouring.

When I see there were 3 layers of motorcyle parked at the side of the road, I was like, wtf!

Mine was at the first layer!!!!

So I waited, with beggars running arround trying to sell expired newspaper.

I went back, tired, want to sleep, but no, I have to do some things first.

I finished at 12 a.m. and then i crawled to my bed.

I closed my eyes and opened it at 2 a.m.

And now, I'm writing this note, with a panda eyes, but not as cute as one.