run

“Haa…Haa…Haa...Haa…”
“Will you slowdown .”
“Haa…Haa…Haa...Haa…”
“Hei Vic, slowdown!!”
“Haa…Haa…Haa...Haa…”
He patted my shoulder
“SLOWDOWN VIC!”
“Owh, it’s you, sorry I don’t hear you, Syu.”
“Since when you are running with an iPod?”
“Since today, why?”
“Didn’t you said people who are running with an iPod are pathetic.”
“Did I? Why would I say that?” I keep running and running and running.
“Because you said people who are running with an iPod are lonely, they don’t have anyone to have a chat with. What happen to you?”
“Nothing, just nothing, I’m fine, I’m totally fine!!”
“No! I know you are not okay!!”
I just ignored him and keep running .Yes, I’m not okay, yes, I am hurt. And I don’t want to think about it so I just keep running and running. I tried to get it away from my head. It’s been a while, but still, I can’t accept it. All the promises, all the tears, all the love, everything is nothing now. Lies, lies, and lies. It was nothing but a lies.
Am I not good enough?? What’s wrong with me?? Am I a freak?? Am I ugly?? Why did he leave me for someone else?? I don’t know why. That’s why I kept running. Because when I stopped, I started to think about him anymore. And thinking about him only hurts me more deeply. I don’t want another heart ache. My ankles hurt, but my heart hurt more deeply.
Everything was fine, everything was perfect, we were a perfect for each other. But why?? He said he loves me, he said I was his everything, I was his world, and that was a lie. I never knew his real face.
BUGH!!
“Argh!!” My ankles got a cramp

“Vicky!!” Syu came to me.
“hegh, hegh, damn it!!” I started to cry
“Come on, let’s move over and take care your legs.” He helped me to move.

Tears started to burst in my eyes, all the pains that I’ve been kept, I can’t bear it anymore. Why? Why? And why? Keeping asking why only leads me to another ‘why?’.The more I tried to find the reason, the more I get lost, and more I get hurt. And now, I’m ended up like I have nothing worth to be fighting for. All the efforts ended with nothing. Now, all I want to do is crying, cry it out loud, I don’t care where am I right now.
“What happened, Vic?”
“He is breaking up with me, he is with someone else now, he just playing around with me, Syu.”
“That Jerk??!! And you are crying for him? Come on he is not worth for it!!”
“I don’t know, I feel like an idiot.” I am sobbing
“Vic, I was in your position too back there, yes, I was cried for a woman who cheated on me. I know it’s really hard. But you can’t waste your time crying for him for the rest of your life. You have to move on!”
“If moving on means forget everything about him, then, I don’t want to move. It’s hard to forget every memory we have." I said.
“Look Vic, have you ever been to Dufan?”
“Yes, I went there last year.”
“Well, life is like Dufan, there are a lot of choices you can pick. You can ride the jet coaster, the tornado, everything you like. You can be happy, you can be scared, you can be thrilled, you can feel ashamed, but you want the safeties ride. And then, you tried the carrousel. You were very excited whit the carrousel. Then u kept rides it for a long time. You kept sitting in the same place. But, unfortunately, the carrousel is broke, you can’t ride it anymore. You don’t want to ride another thing; the carrousel is the only thing matter for you. You keep your eyes on it. Without realizing it, Dufan is about to closed. You will be kicked out, and you just wasted half of your day, staring at the broken carrousel.”
“What are you really trying to say, Syu?”
“ Your ex is the broken carrousel, you stuck with your memory about him. You have to move on Vic, this is not the end of the world”
“But, it’s easy to say, but so hard to do, Syu.”
“No one says it is easy to do it, but you got to try it.”
“So, I have to move, but where do I have to move?” I wiped my tears
“Move to somewhere else, don’t be settled, keep walking, keep your eyes and your heart open, and soon you’ll find your moment of blizz.”
Syu was right, I stuck on “the broken carrousel” for too long. I’m settled. Yes, life is never easy, but if I keep moaning about how unfortunate I am, I’ll not be able to see happiness. I can’t enjoy the “Dufan” if I keep my eyes on “the broken carrousel”. I need to move.
“Thanks, Syu, That’s a huge wake up call.” I smiled.
“Just think like this Vic. You are losing someone who doesn’t love you, but he lost someone who loves him.”
He is right, I have been trapped in the darkness for too long, pitying myself will give me nothing than another tears. Moving on is the only thing matter now, settled in the grief and sorrow is not a real option.
“Come on Syu, let’s have one more lap.” I stood and walk again.
“But your ankles?”
“I’ll be fine.”
I started to run again, run, run, and run. But for now, I’m not running away from my problems, I’m running to move on, to survived, and to be happy.