on your own

pagi ini, ketika pikiran gw sedang melayang2 gw keinget sama film dan lagu ini ( rasanya gw masih punya vcdnya di rumah) gw coba googling and dengerin lagi

dan bbrp hari lalu, ada temen gw ngasi one psychological question

ketika lu ada di suat padang rumput, dan sejauh mata memandang hanya ada rumput dan langit yg dipisahkan oleh horison, apa yang lu rasain
gw jawab : gw ngerasa bahagia, rileks, dan kesepian. . .
dan kalo gw ga salah inget, itu adalah perasaaan yg dirasakan klo gw lg sendirian

pertama gw bakal ngerasa bahagia dalam kesendirian gw, gw bisa bebas jadi apapun yg gw mau, tanpa mikirin org lain bakal ngomong apa tentang gw

lalu gw rileks dengan ngga adanya org di sekitar gw, ngga ada sesuatu yg terlalu penting untuk dijadikan prioritas

dan lalu gw sadar bahwa gw selama ini kesepian . . . . . . . .

i'm not my self

i just realized that im not my self for these couple days

i'm back into my old habit

i opened my drawer and found my cigar that i've been stored for months ago

gw jadi kek orang gila kalang kabut yg tiap ari kerjaannya mantengin hp

tiap malem nelpon my besties, Dennies, just to tell the same story every night

just wondering, how come??

keknya dulu gw bisa ga se desperado ini deh..

but why now i became like this

grasak grusuk gajelas dan gapenting

i feel like an idiot..

bego!! bego!! bego!! bego!!! bego!!!!
*jedotin kpala ke pintu*

damn it, rasanya yg dulu2 ga sampe ngebikin gw kek gini deh
*sakitnya sama sih, cuma rasanya gw bisa lbih tough deh dulu*

*menyalakan batang k4
gw bener2 bingung harus ngapain lagi dah . . . .

Bangkok Traffic Love Storry

‎"Li, people don't have boyfriends and girlfriends to be together all the
time. They have them to know that there's still someone who loves them" - Bangkok Traffic Love Story

i love this movie!! komedi percinttaan yg asik, enjoy ditonton, dan maknanya dalam, hahaha

dan satu dialog di atas yg bikin gw mikir2, apa iya ya?

apa bener itu yg skrg ini gw butuhin?

klo gw udah punya pun, apa yg bakal gw lakuin dgn pacar gw?

ber"selang" ria and then broke up after few months?

no i dont want to be like that...
jadi sedikit tamparan jga sih buat gw, hahaha

hate

i hate me
i hate you

i hate him
i hate her

i hate peace
i hate war

i hate mother
i hate father

i hate sister
i hate brother

i hate boy
i hate girl

i hate dark
i hate light

i hate boyfriend
i hate girlfriend

i hate this
i hate that

i hate these
i hate those

i hate life
i hate death

i hate angel
i hate evil

i hate heaven
i hate hell


but still, i can't hate The One Who Created All of the world

nite, bye =)

Ctik ctik ctik
Ctik ctik ctik

Ctik ctik ctik
Ctik ctik ctik

Ctik ctik ctik
Ctik ctik ctik

Ctik ctik ctik
Ctik ctik ctik

Keyboard komputer terus berdetik
Senyum numpang lewat di bibir
Chatting, hobi yang paling kusukai seumur hidup
Duduk di depan komputer berjam – jam
YM dan MSN tak hentinya mengeluarkan bunyi aneh menandakan ada new chat
Winamp memutar musik instrumental
Saling bercomment via Friendster
Mozilla juga ngga berhenti bersuara, ada chat baru di Facebook
Terkadang tawa meledak
Menjadi seperti anak autis tertawa sendirian di depan komputer
Berbagi cerita konyol dengan kawan di berbagai tempat
Bahkan dengan teman seatap pun, YM digunakan sebagai media komunikasi


Beberapa room chat ada di taskbar, diantaranya conference chat
Saling berekenalan dan kemudian menambahkan mereka di daftar friendlist
Dan akhirnya menjadi teman akrab
Teman baru yang bisa digunakan sebagai teman ”melacur”
Menghiraukan tugas yang mustinya harus dikumpulkan jam 7 besok pagi
Lebih memilih tidak tidur untuk chatting dan mengerjakan tugas sekitar 2 jam sebelum dikumpulkan

Terjadi crush dengan beberapa kawan
Fall in love kata orang amrik bilang
Harap – harap cemas menanti seseorang
Berharap dia akan online dalam waktu dekat
Menyapanya, ngajak ngobrol, yah bahasa keren bagi anak muda skrg PDKT
Berbagi cerita ini itu, walopun kadang jadi kurang penting

Menulis status di setiap messenger, menantikan kehadirannya
Tersenyum lega ketika si dia membalas chattingan kita
Mengajak ketemuan di suatu tempat, copy darat kata orang dulu bilang
Saling menukar nomor handphone
Ketika malam melewati batasnya pun obrolan berlanjut via telepon
Saling bertanya besok mau ngapain
Berbasa basi yang basi
Intinya mah cuma 1, PDKT
Sakit hati sepertinya sudah menjadi hal yang biasa
Dikecewakan teman baru, ditinggal gebetan
Dan obatnya
Dapet teman baru, nemu gebetan baru


Sampai akhirnya kantuk menjelang
Mengucap salam kepada teman yang sedang diajak chatting
Teruama pada calon yang baru tentunya
Berharap suatu saat status naik dari teman jadi pacar

”Tidur duluan ya, ngantuk nih.”
”Yaaa, koq tidur duluan sih?”
”Iya, besok mau pergi.”
”Owh, ya sudah ati2 ya besok.”
”Iya, kamu juga cepetan tidur lho!”
”Beres deh!”
”ya sudah. Nite.”
“Nite, bye :)”

how does father and son really work?

holiday is the perfect time to spend your day with DVD's
after watched some movies, something came up in my mind

then i try to list every movie that i have

Ratatouille
tells us about a rat who tried to be a chief, his father was strongly disagree at the first time, but Remy finally prove that he can be a great cook

Shark Tale
lets talk about the shark, Leni who didn't want to eat other fish, but his father is a gang leader in the neighborhood and Luni ashamed him, at the end, his father realized that Leni was right.

National Treasure
Nicolas Cage insist to look for the greatest treasure buried at America, his father said that he just as insane as his grandfather, but at the end, Cage found the treasure and his father was wrong.

Kungfu Panda
Po is a panda who think that he can be a kungfu master, but his father wants him to run his noddle restaurant, at the end, Po become a Dragon Warrior, the greatest fighter ever.

Transformer 2
remember when Sam's parents were kidnapped? his father didnt want Sam to join the battle and told him just to runaway, at the end, Sam raise Optimus from his death.

Madagaskar 2
Alex was a performer Lion back at NY, when he came back to Africa, he met with his father, the leader of all the Lion Clan, when his father knew that Alex was not a real "king" Alex prove him self by saving his own clan.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Flint wanted so bad to be a scientist, but his father wants him to run family business, about sardine, Flint's invention was a disaster, but he did invent something.

Alien in the Attic
Tom was a nerd,got blamed for everything that wasn't his mistake, his dad wouldn't understand him until Tom spoke out about his feeling toward his father.

How to Tame Your Dragon
Hiccup was the son of the chief tribe, he wants to be like his father, dragon killer, but since he is not born to do it, Hiccup make a friend with a dragon, and come with a thought that dragon is not their enemy. His father strongly against it at he wanted to kill all of the dragon.At the end, Hiccup proved that dragon is a friendly creature.

The City of Ember
Doon realized that there is something wrong with Ember and wants to leave the city, he with Lina, find the way out of Ember, his father told him to gave up, but he didn't, then Doon find the way out and proved to his dad that they can get out from Ember.

Chicken Little
Chicken said that the sky was falling apart, his dad said that was only an acorn, chicken little went inside the UFO and told the whole city that there was a UFO there, his dad didn't believe him and said that was embarrassing. But chicken little was right, and he saved the whole city.

High School Musical 1
Troy is the son of basketball trainer, but he also wants to be a singer and join the Drama Club, his father really insist him to put his concentration to basketball, at the end, Troy can perform a great song and won the game.

Finding Nemo
Nemo is a clown fish who had disabilities with his fin, his father over protecting him and makes Nemo uncomfortable, when Nemo was lost, his father tried tor rescue him. on his way, he realized how bad he was treating his own son. After he found Nemo, he tried to trust him.

father and son never get along well, father wants the son to do exactly what they said and don't bother to hear the son's explanation while in the end the son can give some proves that he was right and his father was wrong until finally the father admit it, is that really father and son how works?

or it just typical American?

You decide it by your self, as for me, this is just how father and son really works =)

Last for a Week

I opened my eyes, looked at the clock, 10 A.M. Luckily, its Saturday. My boss will kill me if I showed at the office 3 hours late. I stretched my body, and move to the other side of my bed.
“Have you wake up?’ he came to my bed
“Here, I made this coffee for u.” he handed me a cup of coffee.
“Thanks.” I took it and drank it.
“Well then, I’m leaving now.”
“Wait, can we meet again?”
“I’ll call you later. I already have your number.”
“But how could you have my number?”
He just smiled and then go.
He has my number? How could he? I checked on my phone, all of the call logs were gone. He must have called his own phone with mine, then delete my call logs so I can’t see his number. I went to my balcony. I saw him get on to a taxi and went away. I drank my coffee again, and light my cigar.

Monday
It was Monday. I was sitting alone, having my lunch at the café near my office. I always having my lunch alone, I don’t know why but that’s me. I love being alone. I can decided when will I come, when will I leave, how long I’ll stay there, and what food I that I want to eat. I don’t have any relationship right now, well I prefer to calling it as relationshit, yes relation is a shit! That’s how it works for me.

I light my cigar and started to smoke.
“Isn’t it bad for smoking?” He said
“Who are you and why are you bothering me?”
“Nah, I just want to remind you, is this seat free?” he sits down.
“I found you are always alone when you are here, don’t you have someone to accompany you?”
“I love being alone.” I answer his question
“But, don’t you feel lonely when you are alone?” he said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I mean having relationship. You know boyfriend and girlfriend?”
Suddenly, all of my memories from the past, they are coming back again. Yes, I do have a relationship before. I do fell in love before. I was his. I was everything. But then, he is gone, the relationship turned into relationshit. End of the story.
“No, I’m a lone lonely loner inside my own loneliness.” I said
“Wow, that’s a lot of lone there. I feel sorry for you.”
‘Yours sorry won’t make me feel better.”
“Anyway I’m Andreas, what’s your name ?” he introduced himself
“Find it out, don’t you guys love challenges? Now I give you one.”
I stood and pay my bill then I left him alone. But, he followed me. Right before I go he yelled at me.
“Wait, will you come back here for lunch tomorrow?”
“Try your luck, I might come back here.” I jumped inside my car and then left.
“I’ll wait here!!” he yelled again.

I drove my car back to my office. But my mind still left behind, in that café. Andreas, he is kinda cute, charming, and handsome. But, wait I knew nothing about him. I’d better forget him.
Tuesday
It’s lunch time again. Should I come back to that café to meet him again? Should I give him a chance? I found something strange every time I think about him. I scared. I don’t need another heartache. Then I realize, I already in front of that café, should I come in, should I look for another place? Or… oh God I don’t know what to do. Finally I decided to get down and come In to that café. I’m looking around, looking for him. He is not here. Well, somehow I’m glad he is not here. But I was hoping he will be here too. Well I’m already here, so I guess I’ll take my lunch here.
“You are here.”
Kinda shocked, he is right behind me. I don’t know where did he came from. But suddenly he just stood right behind me.
“Owh sorry, did I surprised you?” He said
“How could you, I had watched all around this room and I can’t find you.”
“Yes, I was in the kitchen, cooking for your lunch.”
I hardly believe in what he just said.
“I’m sorry, did you just say you was cooking my lunch?’ I tried to make it sure.
“Yes, I’m the owner and the chef here.”
“Chef? And owner? So I guess it doesn’t matter for you to spend all your time here waiting for me.”
“Hahaha, yeah, sorry for that. Well, have a seat, I’ll bring your lunch to your table.”
I sat down on my favorite spot. At the corner, near the window. It’s a lovely place here. I can stare out the window.
“Sorry to make you wait, here’s your favorite, Chicken Popcorn, made by myself.”
“How could you know this is my favorite?”
“Well, you always order that when you have your lunch here.”
“Owh, did you spying on me all this time?” I asked him.
“We..Well, it.. It’s not like that, really, I..I didn’t mean to spy on you.”
“And why did u blubbering like that?”
“Owh please, you ashamed me.” His face turns into red.
“Ahahha sorry, I didn’t mean that.” I started to find this guy is interesting.
“So I guess,err.. I’ll back to the kitchen.”
“Why don’t you join me here?”
“Can I ? Err.. I mean yes, yes, I would like to join you here.” He sit in front of me.
“Okay what happen to you?”
“Wha..what do you mean?”He is blushing again.
“Ahahah you are not yourself today, are you?” I laugh.
“why did you say that?”
“Well, yesterday you were so confident, so friendly. But now you look so nervous.”
“I’m sorry, yes I guess I’m myself today.”
“What happen to you?”
“No nothing. Really ahahah, I was joking on you.”
I was speechless, what does he mean by joking?
“What do you mean by joking?”
“Hahahahhahah.”
Confused. Worried. And speechless.

“I’m really owner of this café, I’m really the chef, but I’m but yeah, the blubbering, I’m just acting.”
He smiled. I swear he got the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in a man. I really mean it.
How I adore his smile.
“I’m just wondering how you will act when you are facing someone like that.”
“And then?”
“Well, you are kinda mean, when facing someone like that, you look like you’ll eat me with your words and make me even embarrassing. “
“Hahaha. I’ll take that as compliment.”
“Hahaha okay, I need to do something, please enjoy your meal.” He left me
I ate my lunch, delicious, more delicious than the same menu that I ever eat here before. Did he really make this by himself? Or is it just my own feeling?
“So how is it?” he came back
“t taste nice, did u really made this by yourself?”
“Of course, I really made this by myself, why you asking about that?” he wondering.
“Well, it’s kinda different with the previous chicken popcorn I have eaten here before.”
“Hahaha, do you want to see how I make it?”
“Owh I would like to, but unfortunately my lunch time is over, I have to get back to my office now.”
I stand up and go to the cashier to pay the bill
“Owh don’t, you are my special guest today.”
“Really? Well thank you so much.”
“Will you come back again tomorrow?”
“We’ll see.” I smiled and then left.
Wednesday
Here it is, lunch time again. Now I’m really scared with my feeling. I really scared that I have fallen in love with this guy, Andreas. I don’t know why, but ever since he talked to me, all of sudden my world has change. It looks like I have found a new start in him. But how could I believe him? I never knew this guy before. He came up in my life. He is just the owner of the café I used to take my lunch. Does he really own that café? As I remembered, I never met him. And from where did he watch me?
I’m afraid to come back to that café again. I don’t need another heart ache. I was thinking to live my life alone, just like I said, I am alone lonely loner inside my own loneliness. I don’t need anybody else. I am ready if I have to live alone, as long as my heart still in one piece.
Well I think I won’t go to his café today. I’ll just have my lunch at the mall. Far from that café, I don’t want there will be coincidence I will meet him if I go to the mall near his café. After I parked my car, I went to the perfumery corner first. My perfume bottle already empty so I need to buy the new one. When I got there, I am shocked. I saw him; yes I am sure that’s him. How could be? I have tried to avoid him. But still I met him here, far away from his café. I headed back to my car, no lunch for today! Go back to the office as soon as possible, and have my OB made some instant noodles for me!
Scared, scared and scared. How could faith do this to me. Oh please, I never hope to meet another man. One jerk form my past is enough, I don’t need another one. Shit!
After I got back to my office, my mood already ruined. I can’t work anymore. My mind filled with Andreas. I tried to convince myself that he is nothing, just another jerk, and I don’t need another jerk in my life. But it didn’t work, every time I tried to forget him, it always coming back to my mind. His smile, his face, his attitude, his chicken popcorn, his café. How could this happen to me? I decided to go home earlier, it’s still 3 P.M., but its better for me to just go home, take a long rest and when I get up, I hope all of this stuff is just a nightmare and I’ll forget about him.



Thursday
It’s lunch time again. This is not a dream, this is really real. About Andreas, about his café, about his chicken popcorn, about his smile, about his charm, all of it is a real thing. And I guess, I have fallen in love with these things. I have fallen in love with Andreas, the owner, and the chef of that café. The one who can make delicious chicken popcorn, I have fallen in love with every single past of Andreas’
I drove my car to that café again. I go inside that café, and I found him sitting in my favorite spot.
“Hey Stranger!! Over here!!” he called me
“Why did u called me as a stranger? I do have a name!” I came to him
“Hahaha, because until now, I still haven’t got your name.”
“Didn’t I challenge you to find out my name by yourself?”
“I already know your name, but I wouldn’t say it until we make a deal.”
“Okay, what kind of deal?”
“If I can say your name correctly, you’ll do two things for me.” He said
“Okay deal, but if you can’t tell it correctly, you’ll have to do two things for me.”
“That’s fine, Andy.”
“What did you just said?” I try to recall what just he said.
“ Yeah, I already know your name, Andy.”
“Oh my, how could you know my name?” I said.
“Well, as the owner, of course I have to know my entire costumer’s name.”
“Come on, that’s not even an answer!”
“Hahaha, you paid your bill with your credit card last Monday, don’t you remember?”
“Shit, I forgot about that, hahahahha! Well okay, I owe you two things now.”
“Okay the first one you have to come back here tomorrow.”
“And the second one?”
“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
“Oh please, tell me now, so I can prepare myself.” I begged him
“No, you have to wait until tomorrow.”
“Okay, okay the winner takes all, so tomorrow I’ll come back here for lunch.”
“Great, now excuse me, I need to prepare something in the kitchen, please enjoy your meal.”
“But I haven’t ordered anything.”
“I know your favorite, chicken popcorn; I have made it special for you.”
“Hahaha, you are full with surprise, don’t you.” I laughed
He left me, I ate all of the chicken popcorn. It really tasted delicious; he is definitely a great chef. After I finished my lunch, I went to the cashier to pay the bill. But suddenly, the waiter said
“Sorry, but Mr. Andre has told me to not receive anything from you.”
“Oh he did it again, please your boss I really appreciate it.”
I left that café and head back to my office. Tomorrow I’ll have to do something for him. I wonder what it is.
Friday
Lunch time!! I come to that café again. He already sits on my favorite spot.
“Hey Andy come here!” He called me.
“So, I’m here now for lunch, what is the second now?”
“Now don’t be so fast, firstly, I want you to accept this.” He gave me a box wrapped nicely.
“What is this? Can I open it?”
“NO, don’t open it now.”
‘Why?’
“Just don’t, and now is the time for the second request. Go on date with me.”
“What?? Have you lost your mind?”
“No, now let’s move on.” He took my hand and we go to my car.
“Give me your key. I’ll drive.”
I gave him my key. Then I called my office telling them that I can’t go back because I have to deal something. He drove us to the mall. We have our lunch there, watching movie, having Starbucks. Just like what couple do, until the night falls.
“Can I stay at your home for tonight Andy?”
“Why? Don’t you have to go home? Ur family must be worry about you if you don’t come back.”
“Don’t worry, I live alone in this city.”
So then, we go back to my home. It was 10 P.M when we arrived. We cleaned ourselves and take a bath. We were about to sleep. But then he started another conversation.
“Andy, I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?”
“Andy, I love you, do you want to be my boyfriend?”
“What? How could you say so?”
“From the first time I saw you, I knew, I saw at someone that would be perfect for me.”
“Andre..”
“Please don’t cut me off, I saw the a lonely heart, and I want to accompany that heart, Andy, please, say yes.”
“Andre, at the first time, I’m afraid. I’m afraid if you are just another jerk. As the time goes by, I start to falling in love with you too.”
“Then accept me to be your boyfriend, I promise I’ll never be like other jerk.”
“I…I.. I don’t know… It just. Hmmp”
He kissed me, right on my lips. And I enjoy it, I didn’t feel any lust on his kiss, it’s fully with love. We spent that night deeply in love and passion, we are one now, and nothing can took him away from me, he is mine, and I am his.
Saturday
Right after he go, my phone ringing, I don’t recognize its number, but I answered that call.
“Hi my new boyfriend, what will you do tonight?” It’s him, Andreas.
“Okay you have my number, and I have yours, but why you delete all of my call logs?”
“Ahahaha I’m sorry honey, so, will you come to the café for lunch this afternoon?”
“Okay. I’ll see you there. Anyway, can I open the box now?”
“Owh I almost forgot about that, sure you can.”
“It’s a perfume, just like what I need, how could you knew it?”
“Hahaha, you always smell nice, but at Thrusday, I can’t smell any perfume from your body, so I guess you must be run out of it, and then I buy you another one.”
“Thanks Andre.”
“Well, see you at the café sweetie. And put off your cigar, I saw you light one just before I go”
“Okay, be careful”
Last Monday I was alone lonely loner, but now, I’m not alone anymore, I have Andreas by my side. I throw my cigar, and go back to sleep again for a while. I still have two hours before lunch time to go to Andreas’ café.


I drove my car to his café, excited, how I couldn’t be excited meeting my own boy friend? I arrived there, but something strange. They are closing. What happened? I asked one of the employees
“Excuse me, why do you closing this place?”
“Sorry sir, the police call us, they said Mr. Andreas got a car accident this morning, he is awfully wound, and doctor can’t save his life. Then we are closing this place, his family will take over this place now.”
“No way!!! You must be kidding me. NO!!NO!!” I sceamed
“I really sorry sir, but that’s the truth. I won’t make any joke about someone’s death sir.”
I walk back to my car, and burst my face with my own tears, drove back to my home, then lying on my bed. I was lying right where he lay last night. He is gone, once again my heart torn into pieces, just when it was already fixed. I cried, screamed, yelled, anything. Try to make sure that this is just a nightmare, but no, it’s not a dream, he is gone, death do us a part. Left me alone with the memories, one week, love that only last for a week.
(2976 words)