okay here comes the mellow
i hate being my self, I really hate it.
I'm full with negative feeling.
I have broke many hearts, including mine.
I'm afraid to open my self to others
once I let people get inside, I couldn't bear the pain.
it's weird, really weird.
when people doesn't want to be lonely, i prefer to lock my self in my own room.
but yes, I do feel lonely.
but I just couldn't let it.
it's been 2 years, people come and gone.
some remains as friends, some into a foe, the rest become a stranger again.
I'm afraid about my own future.
I'm afraid being a daddy
I dont have a real figure of daddy, how could i be one?
I'm afraid i couldnt take care my own child.
trust me, having an experience, and watching movies, reading stories, and hearing what people feels make me afraid.
don't know why,
Once i read something like this
babies who never been born is the luckiest person in this world
babies who are born but then die, also a lucky person
but one who survived and has to live this life is the cursed one, because one has to feel the pain on being living creature.
and i just couldn't agree more on that
