apa salahnya?

perna ga sih kalian denger cerita seperti ini???



Sebuah bis datang, dan kau bilang, "Wah...terlalu sumpek dan panas, nggak bisa duduk nyaman nih !! Aku tunggu bis berikutnya saja x ya!!"

Kemudian, bis berikutnya datang. Kamu melihatnya dan berkata, "Aduh bisnya kurang asik nih dan kok gak cakep begini dan tidak menarik bagi saya... nggak mau ah.."

Bis selanjutnya datang, cool dan kau berminat, tapi dia seakan-akan tidak melihatmu dan melewatimu begitu saja.

Bis keempat berhenti di depan kamu. Bis itu kosong, cukup bagus, tapi kamu bilang, "Nggak ada AC nih, gw bisa kepanasan". Maka kamu membiarkan bis keempat pergi..

Waktu terus berlalu, kamu mulai sadar bahwa kamu bisa terlambat pergi ke kantor. Ketika bis kelima datang, kau sudah tak sabar, kamu langsung melompat masuk ke dalamnya. Setelah beberapa lama, kamu akhirnya sadar kalau kamu salah menaiki bis. Bis tersebut jurusannya bukan yang kau tuju!

Dan kau baru sadar telah menyiakan waktumu sekian lama..

Moral dari cerita ini, sering kali seseorang menunggu orang yang benar-benar 'Ideal' untuk menjadi pasangannya. Padahal tidak ada orang yang 100% memenuhi keidealan kita. Dan kau pun sekali-kali tidak akan pernah bisa menjadi 100% sesuai keinginan dia.

Tidak ada salahnya memberi kesempatan kepada yang berhenti di depan kita. Tentunya dengan jurusan yang sama seperti yang kita tuju. Apabila ternyata memang tidak cocok, apa boleh buat.. tapi kau masih bisa berteriak 'Kiri !' dan keluar dengan sopan.

Cerita ini juga berarti, kalau kau benar-benar menemukan bis yang kosong, kau sukai dan bisa kau percayai, dan tentunya sejurusan dengan tujuanmu, kau dapat berusaha sebisa kamu untuk menghentikan bis tersebut di depanmu. Dia memberi kesempatan kau masuk ke dalamnya.



apa salahnya dengan penantian??

apa salahnya berusaha menyamankan diri sendiri dengan keadaan??

salah ya mengharap dapet yg 100%??

ngga cape apa gonta ganti "bis" mlulu??

sebelum naik ke "bis", bukannya kita bsa ngebaca "jurusan" mana yg dituju??



bukannya klo ga ada bis, kita bisa naik taksi ya??



i just cant understand this world @.@

how to decor an empty heart?? (part2)

well, its been 20 months i left my heart empty



dan sampe saat ini pun masih ttp kosong



sejujurnya kmaren udah ada perabot2 yg ditaksir



catnya pun udah nemu yang bagus.



udah ada bayangan bakal gmn bentuk ruangan yang baru.



sayangnya gw ga hati2.



gw lupa nutup pintu.



ada angin ribut yg bikin kotor lantainya



ada maling yg nyolong perabotannya



ada kucing liar yg masuk dan numpahin cat di mana2.



pusing . . .



capek . . . .



akh, should i left it empty?



left it plain?



tapi bosen juga klo kosongan terus. . .



pengen naruh kursi untuk duduk. .



pengen gelar karpet untuk lesehan. .



ada meja bulet 1 ditengah



ada AC, ato kipas angin juga cukup. .



ga perlu mewah yg penting nyaman dan bikin betah..



yah, kosongin lagi deh . .



nunggu lagi nemu "perabot' yg tepat. . .



utk skrg, berusaha menyamankan diri dgn apa aja yang ada..



walopun pada dasarnya ga ada apa-apanya =)

the law of swearing

pernah ga sih lu blg anjing, monyet, babi, dsbnya??



ga mau jadi muna, gw ngomong koq.



sometimes, cuma ekspresi itu yg tepat untuk mengekspresikan apa yg ada di otak.



biarpun org lain mau judge gw apaan.



loh ini kan mulut gw, bukan mulut lu!



blg mulut gw ga perna sekolah, harusnya lu ngaca, lu yg bikin gw ngomong keq gitu, artinya sikap lu sndiri jga ga perna sekolah dong!



hohoho



biarpun kita manusia, but sometimes, we act like an animal :D

hate my self

gw benci dgn diri gw sendiri



dgn isi otak gw yg terkadang over reacting pada suatu hal yg kurang, bahkan ngga penting



yg terlalu memikirkan satu hal yg harusnya ga dipikirin, tp ttp gw pikirin.



gw benci jd org yg gampang mellow



dengan hawa negatif yg selalu bercokol di otak



dan berakhir dgn pertanyaan 'why'



padahal gw tau, klo'why' nya gw ga akan pernah ada jawabannya

(dan dengan bodohnya ttp gw pertanyakan dlm otak gw, sekali lg gw benci isi otak gw sendiri)



pengen rasanya sekali2 ngelepas otak sebentar, biar rileks dan tenang, ga kepikiran hal2 itu lagi.



cari kesibukan?? SUDAH



tapi kesibukan gw malah bikin gw jatuh lbih dalam ke awang2 yg ngga ptg.



menuliskannya dlm bentuk crita pun ngga ngebantu gw untuk get rid of it.



dan dgn dodolnyam, semua pikiran gw kebawa sampe mimpi dan jadi nightmare -.-

(hari ini aja udah bangun dgn ga tenang sampe 5x dgn 5 nightmares yg berbeda )



capek....



dan gw yakin temen2 gw juga udah cukup capek dgn sikap gw yg sperti ini



bbrp dr mereka malah mungkin annoyed dgn sikap gw dan nggangep gw aneh.



masa lalu ngebikin gw jadi seorang pemikir yg sekali lagi, memikirkan secara berlebihan sesuatu yg kurang dan bahkan kurang penting.



yang kembali ngebuat gw berharap, utk bsa sejenak ngelepas otak gw.



mencoba utk tidur, smoga bsa tenang sampai pagi tanpa nightmares

I Love You

I walked into my room, throwing away my bag and my ankle boots. I opened my cup board and look trough the mirror hanging inside. I saw a beautiful girl, with pink lipstick, natural colored powder, light pink blush on, brown eyebrow, mascara, eye liner, pink eye shadow. How beautiful she is with that make up. Everybody admired her beauty. Every man would fall in love with her at the first sight. But then, she remembered. A girl. She wore no makeup. She didn’t know how to wear any makeup. But still, you can see her beauty.

I looked inside the cupboard, seeing all of her clothes. From genuine to fabulous. From skirt to hot pants. From gown to tank top. Everything looked stunning when I wear it. Every eyes will look at me when I walk in the crowd, they will say,“ Look how beautiful she is.” or ”My, that suits you perfectly.”. I can walk proudly with it. Then again, I remembered. The same girl. She only wore t-shirt and jeans, but she can walk confidently, doesn’t really care about what other people said about her outfit.

I touched my hair. How smooth it is. I would die if I have to go when I’m having a BHD. Spending a whole day in salon was not a big deal for me. Dye it, curl it, smooth it, ironing it, ion-ing it, I’ll do whatever it takes to make it beautiful. Bob, straight, curly, blonde, brunette, everything I tried to see which one suits me the best. Then again, I remembered the same girl. She never did anything on her hair. Shampoo and conditioner is the only thing that ever touched her hair. But, she is really confident with her ponytail.

I looked at my perfume bottles. Every smell for every different occasion. Flowers, fruits, woods, sea, air, coffee, green tea, spices, I have like every smell in the world. Use it and people will notice me. Once again, I remembered the same girl. She only used deodorant. But she feels comfortable with it.

I smoke, I drink. Everything needed to be “socialized”. Hanging out with friends, clubbing, drinking liquor is already part of my lifestyle. Every weekend, clubbing is a must, don’t care what my problems are, as long as I have my cigar, couple drinks, and fast beat music, everything will be all right. Once again, that girl came to my mind. She didn’t need any cigar or liquor to be “socialized”.


I walked into the bathroom, open the water tap and let the water running from the shower. I let the water fell on my face. I cried. I’m hardly recognized who I am right now. I was that girl.

A smart independent girl.

Never feel insecure.

Live the life to the max.

Long I stayed under the shower. Regretting every single thing that I have done. Being like stupid bitch. Hooked up on every cute and hot guy. I don’t know since when I have changed into bitch like now. I moved from little town in the middle of nowhere. I moved to change my life. But this is not the changes that I expected. I walked and see the reflection on myself at the mirror once again.

PRANG!!

I broke the mirror. Smash it into pieces. Cried more loudly. I can’t stand this shame. I took the biggest piece of glass. I tried to cut my own hand.

Trembling.

Scared.

Disappointed.

I am not brave enough to do it. I tried to sober myself. I rubbed my tummy, something moving inside. There is a baby inside.

“I am sorry sweetheart. I love you. And I’ll not kill you.”

run

“Haa…Haa…Haa...Haa…”
“Will you slowdown .”
“Haa…Haa…Haa...Haa…”
“Hei Vic, slowdown!!”
“Haa…Haa…Haa...Haa…”
He patted my shoulder
“SLOWDOWN VIC!”
“Owh, it’s you, sorry I don’t hear you, Syu.”
“Since when you are running with an iPod?”
“Since today, why?”
“Didn’t you said people who are running with an iPod are pathetic.”
“Did I? Why would I say that?” I keep running and running and running.
“Because you said people who are running with an iPod are lonely, they don’t have anyone to have a chat with. What happen to you?”
“Nothing, just nothing, I’m fine, I’m totally fine!!”
“No! I know you are not okay!!”
I just ignored him and keep running .Yes, I’m not okay, yes, I am hurt. And I don’t want to think about it so I just keep running and running. I tried to get it away from my head. It’s been a while, but still, I can’t accept it. All the promises, all the tears, all the love, everything is nothing now. Lies, lies, and lies. It was nothing but a lies.
Am I not good enough?? What’s wrong with me?? Am I a freak?? Am I ugly?? Why did he leave me for someone else?? I don’t know why. That’s why I kept running. Because when I stopped, I started to think about him anymore. And thinking about him only hurts me more deeply. I don’t want another heart ache. My ankles hurt, but my heart hurt more deeply.
Everything was fine, everything was perfect, we were a perfect for each other. But why?? He said he loves me, he said I was his everything, I was his world, and that was a lie. I never knew his real face.
BUGH!!
“Argh!!” My ankles got a cramp

“Vicky!!” Syu came to me.
“hegh, hegh, damn it!!” I started to cry
“Come on, let’s move over and take care your legs.” He helped me to move.

Tears started to burst in my eyes, all the pains that I’ve been kept, I can’t bear it anymore. Why? Why? And why? Keeping asking why only leads me to another ‘why?’.The more I tried to find the reason, the more I get lost, and more I get hurt. And now, I’m ended up like I have nothing worth to be fighting for. All the efforts ended with nothing. Now, all I want to do is crying, cry it out loud, I don’t care where am I right now.
“What happened, Vic?”
“He is breaking up with me, he is with someone else now, he just playing around with me, Syu.”
“That Jerk??!! And you are crying for him? Come on he is not worth for it!!”
“I don’t know, I feel like an idiot.” I am sobbing
“Vic, I was in your position too back there, yes, I was cried for a woman who cheated on me. I know it’s really hard. But you can’t waste your time crying for him for the rest of your life. You have to move on!”
“If moving on means forget everything about him, then, I don’t want to move. It’s hard to forget every memory we have." I said.
“Look Vic, have you ever been to Dufan?”
“Yes, I went there last year.”
“Well, life is like Dufan, there are a lot of choices you can pick. You can ride the jet coaster, the tornado, everything you like. You can be happy, you can be scared, you can be thrilled, you can feel ashamed, but you want the safeties ride. And then, you tried the carrousel. You were very excited whit the carrousel. Then u kept rides it for a long time. You kept sitting in the same place. But, unfortunately, the carrousel is broke, you can’t ride it anymore. You don’t want to ride another thing; the carrousel is the only thing matter for you. You keep your eyes on it. Without realizing it, Dufan is about to closed. You will be kicked out, and you just wasted half of your day, staring at the broken carrousel.”
“What are you really trying to say, Syu?”
“ Your ex is the broken carrousel, you stuck with your memory about him. You have to move on Vic, this is not the end of the world”
“But, it’s easy to say, but so hard to do, Syu.”
“No one says it is easy to do it, but you got to try it.”
“So, I have to move, but where do I have to move?” I wiped my tears
“Move to somewhere else, don’t be settled, keep walking, keep your eyes and your heart open, and soon you’ll find your moment of blizz.”
Syu was right, I stuck on “the broken carrousel” for too long. I’m settled. Yes, life is never easy, but if I keep moaning about how unfortunate I am, I’ll not be able to see happiness. I can’t enjoy the “Dufan” if I keep my eyes on “the broken carrousel”. I need to move.
“Thanks, Syu, That’s a huge wake up call.” I smiled.
“Just think like this Vic. You are losing someone who doesn’t love you, but he lost someone who loves him.”
He is right, I have been trapped in the darkness for too long, pitying myself will give me nothing than another tears. Moving on is the only thing matter now, settled in the grief and sorrow is not a real option.
“Come on Syu, let’s have one more lap.” I stood and walk again.
“But your ankles?”
“I’ll be fine.”
I started to run again, run, run, and run. But for now, I’m not running away from my problems, I’m running to move on, to survived, and to be happy.