mumbling babbling babbon

I just want to mumble, its been a long time since I actually write about something.

Being 22 doens't mean I'm too old for flirting. Oh please I love it!!

but it's not " tell me 10 good things and bad things about you"!!

its like u want to know me without any effort.

Oh remember this joke

co : neng ada dongkrak?
ce : ngga ada bang.
co : tp klo no hp punya kan!!

once someone actually tried to flirt me with

A : eh ini artinay apa sih *kasih ayat Alkitab panjang and trust me, I'm not a walking English Bible*
gw : *ngasi sebisa mungkin*
A : klo "i love u" artinya apa??
gw : *SUPER KRIK SEGARING AYAM KFC!!*

oh my, couldn't u do something better than that??

believe if u are trying to flirt someone on your age, i think that would work, but for me, nah!!!!

sorry, I'm way beyond that.

and believe me
rejecting your invitation for a million times = I'm not into you!

Also I dont like if u add my bbm but not say even a word, I'm not some sort of collection to be collected in ur friendlist, so please, TALK!! even if it is only once in a while.

faith and naive

selama liburan, gw ngisi waktu nntn dvd.

karena lg suka uggly betty, jadilah gw bli uggly betty yg season 3 (dari 12 cd, 4 ga bisa diputer, damn!)

salah satu episodnya sedikit ngebuat gw berpikir ttg faith dan naive

mnurut oxford dictionary

faith : strong trust and confidence in sb/sth
naive : lacking of experience of life and willing to believe that ppl always tell you the truth.

gw sedikit bingung dgn 2 kata ini.

so, if we put our faith in somebody, does it mean we are being naive at the same time??

Beda

“ Lu koq makan mie ayam kayak gitu sih, itu jadinya mie kuah dong.” Katanya.
“Gua suka koq nuangin kuahnya ke mienya, lbih enak menurut gw.” Sambil menyumpit semangkok mie ayam masuk ke dalam mulut.
“Beda ya ama gua, ahhaha, kalo gua ga suka mie ayam gw basah kek gitu.”
“Punya lu sih lebih aneh, dituangin sambel ama kecap trus dikocok kek gitu, kayak indomi goreng.”
‘Enak tau, coba deh.” Dia menggulung mie dengan garpu, dipotong pake sendok, lalu menyuapkannya ke gua.
“Aneh akh, beneran kayak indomi goreng, mending masak sendiri di rumah.”
“Lunya aja yg aneh.” Sambil mencibir
“Anw, lu koq makan mie pake garpu sendok, ga bisa pake sumpit apa?”
“Ga bisa, gua klo megang sumpit kayak megang bolpen, jadi ga enak makannya.”
“Lu kalah tuh sama mamangnya, mamangnya aja ngocok puluhan mangkok mie pke sumpit.” Kata gw sambil nunjuk ke arah mamang yang jualan.
“Mau pake garpu ato sumpit kan ga ngurangin rasanya sih.”

Kami menikmati menu mie ayam pinggir jalan, bisa dibilang ini kencan pertama kami. Gua kenal dia dari awal kuliah, sekelas 3 semester berturut – turut membuat gua berani ngajak dia keluar jalan bareng.
Saat es teh kami datang, dia memasukan sedotan, menutup ujungnya degan jari, diambil, dibalik, lalu membuka jarinya, membuang teh yang ada di dalamnya.

“Lu ngapain sih kayak gitu? Aneh de.”
“Ini buat bersihin bagian dalam sedotannya, tau!”
“Astaga, daripadi gitu mending liat gua nih.”
Gua pilin sebuah sedotan dr ujung ke ujung.
“Sentil nih tengahnya.”

Dia melakukannya tanpa menanyakan apa alasan gua
POP!! Setengah dari orang yang ada di warung itu ngeliatin kami.

“Gila lu!! Bikin malu aja, orang – orang pada ngeliatin tau!!”
“Hhahahah, lu juga disuru nurut aja, lucu kan? Hahaha.”
“Lucu dari Hongkong, malu – maluin sih iya!!”
“Mau kemana abis ini?” Tanya gua
“Ga tau, yang jelas gw bosen klo lu ngajak gua ke mall!”
“Kenapa? Bukannya cewe suka ya klo diajak ke mall?”
“Bosen, tapi gua mau beli buah sih, kemana ya?”
‘Owh ada pasar buah sih deket sini, mau kesana?”
“Bole deh.”

Kami pun berjalan menyusui trotoar di tengah teriknya matahari siang dan panasnya asap knalpot.

“Kenapa ga mau naik mobil aja sih, panas gila begini, di kulit sampe cekit- cekit.” Protes gua saat tawaran pergi ke pasar buah naik mobil ditolak dan dia memilih untuk berjalan.
“Soalnya ribet kalo harus nunggu lu kluarin mobil, jalan, parkir lagi, boros duit parkir! Lagian lu bilang juga deket ini”
“Alesan lu, bilang aja mau jalan beduaan ama gua.”
‘Najis, wakakakaka, anw, koq lu bisa tau ada pasar buah deket sini?”
“Langganan dari kecil, nyokap gua sering banget beli disini, lu mau beli apa emang?”
“Pisang.” Jawabnya dengan lempeng
“PIsang?? Di pasar kan pisangnya item – item gitu sih, mending beli pisang Cavendish di mall!”
“Pisang Cavendish ama stiker ‘Sunpride’ bikin harganya naik jadi 12ribu sekilo, no thx deh.”

Kami pun sampai di tukang buah langganan gua, abis milih ini itu kita pun pulang, dia beli pisang raja dan gua beli apel fuji. Di tengah jalan, gw bukan kresek gua dan makan apelnya sebiji

“Ga lu kupas dulu tuh apel?”
“Ga, gua suka begini, lagian vitaminnya banyak di kulitnya tau.”
“Owh, gua sih ga bisa makan apel pake kulitnya, nyempil semua di gigi gua, jadi musi dikupas dulu.”

Kami pun balik, gua anter dia ke rumahnya dulu. Akhirnya kami pun sampai di rumahnya, sebelum dia turun dia bilang.

“Thx for today.” Kata dia.
“Thx for what?”
“Gua kira lu bakal behave, jadi orang yang ga gua kenal selama ini, tapi ngga, gua suka tetep jadi elu.”
“Owh, hahaha. Tapi gua baru sadar lho, kita ternyata beda banget, ga kayak di kampus, we always have the same idea.”
“Jadi? Lu lebih suka kalo gua selalu punya kesamaan kek lu ? gitu maksud lu?”
“Ngga, bukan itu maksud gua. Gua ngerasa kayak, sekali lagi berkenalan dengan lu, dan sekali lagi jatuh cinta sama lu.”
“Gombal lu, wakakkakak.”
“Serius nih gua, gua ga mau punya pacar yang 100% sama kek gua, keknya koq gw pacaran sama diri gua sendiri. Tapi kalo sama elu, asik aja, justru perbedaan yang ada bikin gua makin suka ama lu.”
“Anjis, jijik bahasa lu, wuakakkaka, geli gua dengernya.” Dia tertawa ngakak.
“Iya deh puas – puasin aja ketawanya.”
“Gua sepikiran sama elu, Cuma gua ga bisa secara frontal bilang keq lu tadi.”
“Besok mau jalan lagi?” Tanya gua.
“Liat besok gimana deh,dah akh, cape gua, bye!” dia pun turun.

Gua pun jalan balik ke rumah gua, dengan memori tentang hari ini. Tentang untuk kesekian kalinya, gua ngerasain jatuh cinta sama orang yang sama. Tertakjub atas semua perbedaan yang ada, tapi justru itu yang bikin jadi indah.
Gua siap untuk cari tahu apa bedanya gua dan dia, dan gua siap untuk jatuh lebih dalam lagi.

game i shouldn't play

"thing that I really want to write these past three days, but still thinking bout what to write, so here it is"

I am a gamer
I play with many games.
I love it.

Till one day, i play with a game that i shouldn't play.

this game called "Heart"
i need to pay a huge fortune to buy this game.
Excited, i played this game.

this game looks like a puzzle.
I have to put the pieces in order, so the result will be a very nice picture of something I can't tell before I finish it.
This game only allowed 2 people to play it.
so i play it with others.

put here put there.
until its almost done.
we built a relationship at the same time we played with the "Heart"
eventually, things not work out fine.

typical love story, starting out as friend, ended as a foe.

so I find someone to play with me.

it's just the same story as the 1st one, starting out as friend, ended as a foe.

so i keep looking for one.

until now I realized, there are something missing.
the "Heart" is not the same.
it became different.

lots of pieces missing, it can't be do again.

it won't show anything anymore.
and I'll never know what exactly the picture is.

and now i have to deal with the bills.
heart is the most dangerous game I ever played, i shouldn't have play with it at the very first time . . .

*inspired by a box of puzzle that i never finish.*

here comes the mellow

okay here comes the mellow

i hate being my self, I really hate it.
I'm full with negative feeling.
I have broke many hearts, including mine.
I'm afraid to open my self to others
once I let people get inside, I couldn't bear the pain.
it's weird, really weird.
when people doesn't want to be lonely, i prefer to lock my self in my own room.
but yes, I do feel lonely.
but I just couldn't let it.
it's been 2 years, people come and gone.
some remains as friends, some into a foe, the rest become a stranger again.


I'm afraid about my own future.
I'm afraid being a daddy
I dont have a real figure of daddy, how could i be one?
I'm afraid i couldnt take care my own child.

trust me, having an experience, and watching movies, reading stories, and hearing what people feels make me afraid.

don't know why,

Once i read something like this

babies who never been born is the luckiest person in this world
babies who are born but then die, also a lucky person
but one who survived and has to live this life is the cursed one, because one has to feel the pain on being living creature.


and i just couldn't agree more on that

(il)Lust(ion) Story

There are four stages in my relationship,
We chat,
We meet,
We fuck,
Then, we don’t know each other anymore.
I’m strongly believed that every wireless gadget is made for our convenience, which should works too for a relationship with “no string attached”.
What is commitment for if we can have some fun? Do it here, do it there, do it now, later, tomorrow, weekend, weekdays, anything should do as long as “no string attached”.
The words “can we still be friend?” is just a rhetorical question. I never call any of them again after we did it.
I am heartless, loveless, and frigid. I don’t want any emotional feeling interfere my lust life.
Don’t tell me to look at your eyes and tell me how I feel about you; we are just fuck buddy after all.
If you are looking for a long term relationship, if you are looking for someone to rely on, if you are looking for some commitment, don’t expect you’ll get it from me, because I won’t be that person.
Love and commitment is just a bound that will only put limitations in my life.
Have I ever been in love? Been there, done that, and don’t want to feel that curse again.
I am pretty well prepared; condoms and lubricants are things that I never left behind.
I don’t want to get involved into someone’s drama.
For now I’m not looking for the “right one”, I’m looking for “right now”

But,
It was him.
Man who came up with his loneliness.
A lone lonely loner.
That particular man.
Fragile.
As it’ll be broken if I touch him.
I want to keep him.
Protect him.
It was three months ago when I met him.
I felt the sensation, something that once I felt long time ago.
I want to keep him.
And let no one touch him, or even see him.
And make him mine, only mine.
Since I met him,
Nobody else come into my world.
It’s him alone who step aside by my side.
There was no lust.
Is it the curse?

“Why did u do it?” he asked me
“Do what?”
“You know, having an open relationship like that, wont you be settled with someone?”
That question hit my heart.
My life wasn’t like this before.
But this is the thing that I have forgotten.
No, I haven’t forgotten it, I won’t remember it.
“So, why did u do that?”
I just smiled.
“It’s none of your business” I said.

It was me who keep calling him.
It was me who asked him to go out.
It was me who asked him to watch a movie.
Mostly he refused it.
He said he doesn’t want ended like the others who came before him.
But no, I have no intention to do it.
I do really hope our relationship will last longer.
Funny, from at least 10 millions human in this world, what on earth I could fall on him?
What makes him different from the other?
Could it be he is the right one?

“Don’t you feel tired? Seeking for nothing?” he asked again
“I’m not looking for nothing, I’m looking for a pleasure, and I get it.”
“Are you sure? I can’t tell it by looking in your eyes, I saw emptiness.”
He hit it precisely
“You just don’t know me yet, dear.”
“Dear? Is that how you addressing me now? Come on!”
“Hahahhaha” I laughed.

Month after month passed.
My whole world is just me and he now.
There are no others.
And I hope there will be no other.
Almost a year I know him.
And I’d want to ask him.
“What do you think about me, dear?” I asked him
“Hmm, you are heartless, loveless, and frigid.”
“What?? How could you say something like that?”
“Hahaha, you said that to me long ago. So that’s what I think about you.” He smiled
I couldn’t stand his smile
I kissed him,
Right on his cheek.
He was shocked
He pulled himself backward.
“What was that for?”
“I want you dear; I want you to stay here, by my side, for the rest of my life.”
“I can’t, we shouldn’t do this!”
“For long I have been looking for nothing, and now I believe you are the right one.”
“NO! This is wrong! I must go now!”
He left me alone.
‘Dear, wait!”

I tried to catch him, run as fast as I can.
But no, I can’t find him, he was lost.
Where did he go? How come someone as fragile as him could run that fast?
He is gone. . .
I tried to call him, but no, his phone is not active.
I tried to call him thousand times, but no, his phone is dead.
There was no use to call him now; maybe I’ll just call him again tomorrow.

A day
Two days
A week
Weeks
Until a month.
There was nothing from him, not a single call.
That’s it!!
I’ll come to his place!
“There is no one like him in this place sir, I think you’ve come to the wrong place.”
“What? No way? He’s been staying here for 4 years .”
“No sir, I’m sure there is no one like him in here, I’ve been working here for 20 years.”
Damn it!!!
What trick that he played on me!!
He wasn’t live there!! He was never been there!!!
Where the hell is he!!!
I went back to all places that I have visited with him.
My favorite café
Our favorite café
His favorite café
But they give me the same answer
“You always come here alone sir.”
“I never saw you with someone else dude, are you okay?”
ARGH!!!!
What’s wrong with this world!!!!
How come they never see me with him!!!
I went back home, sulking myself in the corner.
Keep wondering where on earth you went away.
Was it just an illusion?
But that was very real
Real one
I bet it must be real
No!! It’s not an illusion!!
NO!! NO!!! NO!!

Tears,
Since when I shed this tears?
How come I cried for him?
Damn it, I can understand what is this all about!!!
I slapped myself, trying to tell myself whether I’m dreaming or not.
It hurts,
So it’s real,
I should call him!!
Yes I’ll call him!!
I took my phone and dial his number!!
Out of service
I call again,
And again,
And again,
Till it runs out of battery.
I cried as loud as I can

“CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!! ARE YOU SATISFIED TO MAKE ME SUFFERED LIKE THIS!!”
I cried and cried
It was my fault
I shouldn’t let my heart interfere my life,
I should be heartless, loveless, and frigid.
That’s how I should be
Heartless,
Loveless,
Frigid.

maybe

maybe



if we just could hold ourselves back



our story won't be like this.



maybe



if we could understand each others intension.



our story will be different



maybe



if we just said it clearly at the first time



maybe, its just maybe



if we could start it all over again



if we just . . . . .



nah nevermind . . . .



something that has been done, can never be re-do



maybe we can have a great story



maybe . . .



it just maybe . . .